you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
