In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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