I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
