just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You took a bar mat shot.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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