I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
