Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
