just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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