and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're a waste of cheezeits
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
