went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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