Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
