sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
