And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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