Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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