Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize