So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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