Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
