Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
