There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
