It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
