I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
