i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
