is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
