There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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