Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i barfeds in our rink
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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