yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
