very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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