I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
