Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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