no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
