It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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