Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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