I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize