hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
