You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
