Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
