i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
