What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
