I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
