He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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