oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
