Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
