Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
