there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
how does that bad decision feel?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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