I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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