Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
