my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
