I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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