i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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