I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
