you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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