Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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