Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
