do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
