He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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