Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
