I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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