He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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