Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
