I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize