i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize