His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
