i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need a beard to bite.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
